happy poem

your funeral, my trial

it was cold
and it was winter
and the snow covered the grass
like a goodbye kiss
from a moving train

it was cold
and it was winter
and she felt as lonely as a nail beneath the skin

it was dark under a yellow rose
and it was three unborn daughters ago,
i remember,
since you left
my dear love

it is winter
and my pain gets deeper with every step i take
damn this iron jim crow barrier
that hurts like a fire snake

i remember us naked in the hay bed
our skinny, teenage bodies, like a sad quick depart
your kissing my neck, my tearing apart heart,
my nails in your tender chest skin, your arms holding my breath
i remember i cried and tremble with every white little death

there were no birds
there were no flowers
there were no oranges
or ribbons
in the home we once shared

i was desperate
i remember this
i remember i felt like falling from a broken cliff
from his broken mouth
from his shattered skull

it was cold
and it was winter
and the snow covered her and the grass
like a goodbye kiss
from a crying lip

i opened the door of our little wooden house
and all the snow flakes
flew inside
like a summer breeze
and laid on my hair
and in my face
and on my pure silk dress

the naked trees looked like skeletons
a rotten smell came from i don't know where
she was so pretty
she was so pale
a crow was standing at the empty well

I can recall his eyes
his arms
the way he touched me
like a wolf’s eyetooth
like a dried up flower
but i hate myself because her face vanishes in the blue haze

it was cold and it was winter
and every word i ever said to you
aches in my finger like a wooden splinter in the summertime

it was cold and, like a worm,
i came digging from the ground
i came crashing through the storm
i came breaking all the doors

it was cold and it was winter
and the last thing I ever saw
was you asleep by that little timber
you with your beatific glow
and your paper-thin face in your brown cotton hands
easy like a killer

and i remember a single teardrop fell
somewhere over the snow
over the cold wind
over your closed eyes
over a gun
over our footsteps
and over a ring

outlaw

today i feel like 37 cuts in the wrists
like a dirty magazine cover
like a burning outlaw running for his horse
a happy cow in the slaughter house

today there’s people fighting with the police in the street
and the land is begging for money
and the cold blue of this mad city’s sky is so sharp it hurts my eyes

today i feel like a drive-by shooter
a rotten diamond
like a stupid dirty pigeon

today it’s enough,
and there’s a deaf afghan with an ak47,
and the fat, dead eyed, stalinist king
is looking at his own face in the mirror
with a proud grim in his mouth

today i feel like a beaten up greyhound with silver hair,
like a fallen angel too sad to complain,
like a black ink drop from your pen about to fall,
just inches away from the paper,
inches away from that woman you are about to draw

today it’s cold,
and blurry,
and i have lost too many trains,
or too many trains have missed me,
who cares?
what’s the difference?
it is a ghost town anyway

today amy,
my dear,
my far away friend

i wish i could be with some ladies
riding in a white pontiac convertible,
my hand on the wheel,
my hand on my eyes,
her left hand in my neck,
listening to the rolling stones,
on the road,
you know what it means,
the road,
whatever road,
our kind of road

today i feel like a rotten stop sign
a melancholic hyena
a singing scarecrow
a sweet goodbye
solomon under the temple’s wall

the road amy, i told you about it already...

today amy
i have run out of life belts
life boats
life jackets
life vests
life rings
life floats
rain wear
tape

today
i hit the white walls in my room with my fist
and prepare myself for the operating theatre
lights, camera, action

today,
writing this poem is the only thing that keeps me from dying
and, at the same time, is killing me,
weird
um?

today, amy
i have the stupid idea
that i know better than ever
that you are,
quietly,
sincerely,
listening to me
while i re-read these lines,
loud,
like a mother fucker

Cielo

la tarde en la que quedé atrapado por G
no te conocía

ni la mañana de otoño en la que me planté delante de su piel
y saqué esa foto,
en aquella ciudad de hielo y ropa de segunda mano,
vapor de agua saliendo de la tierra,
pantallas gigantes,
ambulancias

cuando volví a esta ciudad con un dolor tan profundo,
y andé por las calles empedradas,
las tiendas de chinos,
las litronas de cerveza,
los charcos,
no te conocía,
no sabía ni tu nombre

cuando imprimí esta silueta,
y fui,
solo,
a que la tatuaran en mi brazo,
no te conocía,
no agarré tu mano,
ni te miré,
ni cerré los ojos,
ni pensé en ti

cuando la tinta y la aguja entraron en mi piel,
cuando la lavé tres veces al día,
jabón neutro,
crema antibacteriana,
plástico,
no te conocía

cuando empezó a aparecer la costra,
y se cayó,
y la piel me tiraba como si quisiera cerrarse sobre ella misma,
no te conocía,
ni siquiera podía imaginar algo como tu

cuando la empecé a mirar,
cada mañana,
a hablar con ella,
a decirla que me encantaba verla cada mañana,
cada noche,
que me alegraba de tener a alguien así de cerca
siempre,
no te conocía siquiera

en la nieve del invierno,
en la amarga primavera al borde del abismo,
en el húmedo verano al este del este,
cuando estábamos simplemente ella y yo juntos,
pegados,
no te conocía

por eso
ahora
se hace raro
que
el otoño sea tuyo
y que cada vez que la veo
no importa cuando ni donde
solo
solo
piense en ti

Lyrics looking for music to form a song

you
you make
you make me
you make me wanna
you make me wanna open my veins and bleed
you make me dizzy
you make me stupid
you make me speed
up

you make me wanna smoke
you make me wanna snort all the dust in my room
you make me wanna choke
you make me drink
you make me immortal
the whole night in a blink
you make me ill
you make me swallow every pill
I find
you
you make me
babe

you make me lay in the floor
you make me wanna buy a gun
you make me scream
you make me hard, you make me soft
you make me wanna dry like a lizard in the sun

you make me wanna run
you make me wanna torn my skin in two
you
you make me wanna
make me wanna kill

you
babe

you make me scream
you make me howl
you make me wanna start a fight
you make me wanna hit my head to the wall

you
you make me want to lose all dignity
you make me want to


you make me want to lick you
you make me want to kiss you
you make me wanna to bite you
you make me want to squeeze you

you
you you

you make me wanna get naked
you make me wanna drop dead
deadlocked
dunked
caked
under your bed

you
you
you

y si...

y si te digo que llovía levemente,
que hacía frío
y las hojas amarillas caían sobre la negra negra carretera

y si te recuerdo que paré el coche en el barro
y solo estábamos nosotros dos
entre la niebla
y los disparos de escopeta

y si te digo que recuerdo tu brillante cintura
y tu pequeña cicatriz en el ojo
y tu manera de sumergirte en el agua caliente

y si te digo que recuerdo tu pelo negro negro
y a patti smith
y tus manos en mi cuello acercándome más
y mis dientes mordiéndote los hombros
y los cristales empañados
en el medio del desolado
húmedo
páramo

y si te digo que te agarrabas a mi
como si fuera un tronco en medio del mar vapuleándote
que lo sentí así
que es verdad
que lo se

y si te digo que seguíamos besándonos
para sobrevivir
para respirar
para sacarnos a flote
y que vi cómo sonreías
y me sujetabas la mano
y las piernas
en el infinito embudo
de no saber a dónde vamos

y si te recuerdo con tu cabeza en mi pecho
y el gato naranja en mi tripa
y mi boca leyéndote
y mi cabeza medio dormida improvisando palabras para ti
y si... y si te digo que fui feliz
por unos momentos fui feliz

y si te digo que ahora vuelvo a escuchar la misma canción
aunque otra lluvia golpea
otros cristales
y otro páramo me rodea
pero ahora no tengo mi salvavidas
y mi salvavidas no me tiene a mi

¿y si te digo que tengo las llaves del coche en la mano
y he encendido el motor
por que tengo hambre
y te necesito
por que quiero ser humano
por que no puedo más

y si te digo que voy a verte?

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1

fuck 1...
i miss you
i don't care if it’s right or wrong
if i should write you or not
if i should call you or not
if i should see you or not

fuck 1

it's a rainy night in new york city
and i just miss you

that's all

that's the Truth for today

for now

for the mentally insane
for the people in gyms
for the priest
and the top midels
for you
and raymond chandler
and giocometti
and the cavemen
and me
and he

and
i wish i could be with you now
or
i wish you could be with me now
or whatever...

and there are white flowers on the table
and picnics in the parks
and spicy chicken legs in korean restaurants

and who cares?

who gives a damn if i am ok,
if you tell me about your pills,
and your childhood,
and your boyfriend?
Who cares if that transparent loneliness you breath
around gets thicker
and takes you far away from me
to wherever you want to retreat,
to hell
or to home?

who?
fuck honey
what else can a i say,
when it's almost one in the morning
and I have happiness so close I can almost smell it,
and there is nobody around
and i miss you?

what?

i just

hope you are feeling better

hope you can grab a plane and come with me

hope you get this message

because it's burning
and it will burn you too

… one dry day

the road
what the hell?
the road
and that sinking feeling
that last day on earth feeling
that feeling of speed loneliness
that "i don't love her anymore" feeling
that last night on wheels feeling

it was august i recall
it was a bare naked feeling
made of little black shinny cigarettes
that smell like clove
sweet hong kong girls
and tall blonde women that taste like strawberry juice

fake sunglasses
memorabilia
vodka & orange by the river

… but anyway
don't pay any attention to me
it's just a storm of words
that's all
blurry lights in the paper night
UFOs
love
and lost
and all those things
that always happen to be there when you don't think about them
or when you are half slept

or when your stomach aches like a motherfucker
on a friday night and you are by yourself
in a hotel room
in the middle of nowhere
cold feet
broken heart
and piss off because your dam neighbor
is playing that awful music all the time

that kind of feeling
that speed
that loneliness
that warsaw

poem for l

fuck it

fuck “the powers of now”
the “how to change your lives”
the dam habits of the dam “highly effective people”
the side show shrinks
the late afternoon bastards with that easy smile

I don’t wanna be like you
I don’t wanna feel like you

I just wanna lick her legs
and not having to work

I don’t wanna have a fake god
a fake friend
a fake family
a fake happiness

fuck you

don’t try to sell me Salvation,
Salvation never lasts,
is an illusion

don’t try to sell me anything,
don’t try to sell me peace of mind,
peace of mind is a motherfucker,
you have to work on her every day,
and even if you do, she remains quite

fuck the ones who take you by the arm and tell you something like
“it’s all in your hands”
“there’s nothing you can’t get if you really want it”
“I Can Make You Confident”

If it was in my hands
you will be in a hole in the ground;
if I could get anything I really wanted
I would not be working in this shit job,
for this dam money;
and if you want to make a confident guy out of me,
stop telling me I am not

fuck you all
I can’t stand you, liars
there’s no cheap way to put it
there’s no nice way to say it

I do need nobody to inspire me to "unlock my creative potential"
I don’t need your fucking pyramids,
the fucking graphics,
the colurful schemes,
the cheesy powerpoints

fuck the self-discovery,
the god-discovery,
the give-me-all the-money-you-have-discovery,
the spiritual growth and the personal development,
the truth is never in your tongues,
don’t give me that shit

we are lost,
there are no answers

enough with that bullshit,
enough with that the crap

we don’t need that shit,
we don’t need no more superficiality,
compulsive buying,
egocentric,
stupid rules

Don’t trust the ones that want to sell you “the secret”,
there is none,

everything is plain to see

everybody knows what is all this shit about,
and if you think you don’t
read the newspapers,
listen to the people around you,
open your fucking ears and your fucking eyes

and if you still cannot see it
well… fuck you too

haikus for

bajo las orquídeas blancas
cierro los ojos
me muerdo los dedos
escucho a las ambulancias pasar
y pienso en ti, claro

***

Kenya is blowing up in pieces
the snow covers New York
like a white dragon halo
and all I can do is stare
at your picture on the little frame


***

lo ultimo que recuerdo de ella
son sus ojos verdes
bajo la luz amarillenta
de mi cuarto
como luces de papel a lo lejos perdiéndose en el mar

***

la lluvia golpea las ventanas
como si alquien lanzara puñados de agujas
solo
sobre el viejo suelo de madera
una flor pálida
en mis manos

***

my feet are damn cold
I listen to sour songs in the radio
the beautiful snow surrounds me like a hound of angry dogs
I have your delicate scarf with black stars around my neck
I miss you
I miss feeling like I am back home again

i could use somebody

m is like a little cloud of creek delicate eyes,
messy hair
thin white LM cigarettes
and bad words

m is like a walking nervous breakdown
with those plimsolls stepping up and down the bar
the top of the car
my feet
my face

m is really lovely when she is not completely drunk
and i talk to her about all these things
my ghost
the dead people
and such

she drives almost lying in the drivers place
and starts and stops so fast that
i feel like somebody is shaking my guts with a pitchfork
i like it for a while
i like how she fights with herself
how she forgets the dam ticket for the fucking parking
how she misses the traffic lights
how the machine eats her money and never delivers the stupid ticket...

her stomach aches
and she smokes
and she takes the smoke out
and surrounds herself with nicotine like a life vest
and changes the gear
and tells me about her problems with this guy
she used to be with
and smokes
and takes the smoke out
and changes the gear

i embrace her

and

after a few seconds

she embraces me stronger

m is a mess of beautiful turquoise eyes
and smoke from her thin white LM cigarettes
m is really lovely when she is not completely drunk

alive

“You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life” Ch. B.

I see dead people all the time, kid
All the time
I am surrounded by dead people
No matter where I lay my stupid eyes
They are everywhere
Like zombies
Dirty green saliva coming out of their mouths

I see them
they carry plastic bags filled with food from the supermarket
They drive SUV’s like carriages for the dead
They have kids like they had golden bracelets or blue watermelons
They don’t listen to you when you talk
They just don’t even look at you when you pass by

They hide their faces in the subway under empty newspapers
They drink beer from the can at 12 in the morning
They have proper jobs
They earn money
They pay their taxes
And jerk off
Like the rest of us
But they are dead

Some of them sell their bodies
And they are hot as hell, I must admit
Some others give their hands and heads away to friends
Enemies
Fathers
bosses
Mothers

Some others give their bodies to the Church, or the clergymen
Or to stupid and impotent second hand musicians
While they tell you about their mean mother and how empty their life is

They are dead
Absolutely dead

There are a lot of them sniffing cocaine
Swimming in ketamine
Licking the crystals in the little white paper bag like they were licking asses
Eating bugs
Or blowing a louse


They wanna live
But they are all dead

I am even afraid of touching them
Their skin’s cold like a bullet
There’s no heart inside the chest
No blood
No brain
No guts
Just air
Rotten air
Money air
Envy air
Fake air

You might touch them
You might have sex with them
You might have missed them
You might have even loved them
But they are dead
You gotta live with that, man

They watch garbage on the tv all the time
They smile and joke
Some of them even go to concerts
Or read Kerouac
Or plan to go and see a Fellini movie…

They even have good music in their ipods
They send each other text messages
With happy faces and shit
But they are dead
And they know it
They are just trying to forget about it
Deny it
Forget they are dead
As it could be possible…
That’s the worst thing
Knowing that you are living a lie

They travel to far away places
In low cost planes
Or get drunk in crowded VIP rooms
They go to Sidney or Tokyo or Los Angeles
And they wish they were in another place all the time
Away from the tombstones
The bad smell
the self indulgence
but we cannot
is inside us
is just a question of time and balls

Lingerie

I skip out some whores in my way home
I skip out some self-slaughter thoughts too
And three or four cold raindrops
Black as oil from a death Oldsmobile Rocket engine

The yellow light from the street lamps falls
Over the concrete like dozens of rotten eggs
The blackness is shinny like the teeth of your smile
When there’s booze around

I don’t think I’m gonna get over this rain
Oh, honey, I don’t even think I’m gonna make it to the train

So I keep crawling
Moving underneath the rusty aluminum marquees
Like an eel looking for my prey
Biting a match and a treacherous northerly wind
Last time I saw you, you kissed me so sweetly,
you sour orange marmalade queen.
“Don’t leave me”- you begged
“Tout peut s’oublier”
But you know that’s not truth

I don’t think I’m gonna get over this night
Oh, honey, I don’t even think I’m gonna make it to the next light

I try to hide behind the tide
My best enemy is having a smoke behind your closed door
I’m pretty sure she likes you
But then again who does not?
You lying queen

I can smell the cheap drag
I can smell your dashing perfume
And your candles burning

I remember the way you used to light them all for me
I just to think you were paradise

Now I have a pretty silver blade playing in my hands
Oh, I hope I can get out
Because tonight I just scent like a dead man

I don’t think I’m gonna get over this pain
Oh, honey, I don’t even think I’m gonna be able to avoid a nervous strain

So I walk, the devil by my side
Whispering things about my nails in your legs
‘bout your warm breath over my chest
Ah
Ah
Ah
… about my tongue licking your back…
and my teeth biting your butt…
Oh, I hope I can get out
Because tonight I am just dirt in the ground

I don’t think I’m gonna get over this rain
Oh, honey, I don’t even think I’m gonna make it to the train

King Louie gnarls and grumbles
I am doing what I can
I am trying to do my best, sweetheart
But you brought me way down here
And you treat me like a dog
I have lost your good thing
I am about to lose my head
I know some bird has walked in and took my place

I don’t think I’m gonna get the American angelica tree
Oh, honey, how can you do something like this to me?

a lyric for the black angels

I let you get whatever you want
the wound is beginning to heal
cut the ropes, cut the ropes
I listen to the phone ring
and I can't even count everything you stole

I swallowed all the humiliations
I even saw you digging in the dirt
just close your mouth and spell it
with all those pigs you like so much
you are just skin, you have nothing else
oh, you can't have anything else
you could have had it


lcd screen is all I have left
lcd and lsd
there is nothing else to break
I just feel my head way up way up

you grab that knife and stab me
if that is all you want
I don´t have no more meat to give you


I hear the water running
I hear her speaking low
this green room is naked and I can't even breath
when I see you coming from behind
sweet and far away

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you
no I would not
you know that


it's morning and is raining
you say I’m too sexy for your bed
but the problem is
I can't be anywhere else

Lay, lady Lay

Auburn lips, and velvet skies
crystal drugs to keep you tied
go down the green, go down

I can see your white body under the spasm lights
You and your blue blood waving goodbye

In the swamp’s shores
I thought of you and I melted
There’s nothing I can do
Oh my love, you were my shelter

Hear the thunder singing
Hear the lighting turning pale
My suit in the muddy waters
Covered by your white silk veil

You and your animals
under the roaring grass
my skin like cinnamon
dancing under a light bulb, fading fast

Don’t look at me
I get lost when you do that
Don’t talk to me
I just see you falling in the pit

Got to get away, got to hide
I can handle it anymore
The smog is getting thicker
I cannot stay by your sweet core

Your warm breath
Your alibis
Your body falling perfectly into mine